She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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