i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
