corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
