Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
