She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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