there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
