Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
