I met the friendliest cop last night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
