I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
