i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
