I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
