I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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