Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
