Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
