tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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