his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
