Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
