A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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