remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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