he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
