My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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