A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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