I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize