i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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