i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
