saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
