i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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