If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
