If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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