I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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