it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
