I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
