So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
