Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
