i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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