He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize