I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
