dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i think i just naturally attract stoners
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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