You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
