just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
