I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
