How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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