I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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