sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize