Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
