I just made out with a guy for $7.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
