bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
