there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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