I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
