if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
