I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
