i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
