They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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