FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
