the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
