That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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