He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
