i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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