imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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