take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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