Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
