That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
