Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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