Soap is not a condiment
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize