not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
