hell yes lets make some ravioli
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
