Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
