Will you blow on my dice?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
