Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
